You smell that?

Stink List: Pre-Season Week 1
Note: Stink List will be a weekly post going up every Sunday night/ Monday depending on Broncos game time/how excited/depressed I am over the outcome. It’s a list, or grouping, or cluster of people, things, stuff, situations, that I deem stinky in the previous/particular week. The oral stink list had become a favorite of my close buddies over the past two seasons, so I, being the generous misanthrope that I am, have decided to share the stench with ya’ll.

1. Kyle Orton, the first drive down the field felt oh so good, the connections were smooth and felt completely organic, and this I told myself, was a great first impression of the new offense, THEN. Hold your breath, because in some ways the first INT felt right, felt natural, felt organic too. I wasn’t happy, I was half way buzzed and upset, but it wasn’t a surprise. The way I see it, we were either scoring 6 or getting picked, there was no in-between. We would now get to see the adjustments Orton made, see how he handled his crud; we would now get our first glimpse at our new QB trying to shake off the bad. 2nd pick, 3rd pick felt wrong. All wrong. That old feeling started seeping into my body, and you all know what feeling I’m talking about. It needs no explanation. Now, it was one game. I’m not done with Orton. Infact, this is very exciting, we now get to see how McDaniels + Orton work the week to fix the stink for the Seahawks game. Who thinks zero picks from #8 this week? Any takers?

2.(a) The Person(s) or Person(nel) or P(at Bowlen) in charge of sparking this weeks M(arshall)TV reality drama. Whoever is responsible. Why? Just why? I know Brandon has been a problem, but he is still a member of this team, and we still have supposedly have no interest in trading him. Let’s restrain ourselves from telling all of his buddies to restrain themselves from showing any bit of happiness about his acquittal. Are we not allowed to be joyful that he could be, as he has said, innocent all along? Mystery entity, you stink. While we’re on restraint,

(b) Jamie Dukes could use a little. Well known round these parts for his vendetta against the team, Dukes first tweetported this story using the tease “BOMBSHELL”. It turns out the story does hold weight, as it has fanned the flames of a problem that most thought was slowly dying out. What’s bothers me is you can almost see Dukes’ grin as he learns of the news, slowly forms the idea of twitter teasing, and eases back into his bean bag as Broncos Nation writhes in discomfort. I like receiving information, but not when it’s given with ill intent. He’s like the kid walking out of the 2pm showing of Scream2 and shouting out the killers name while we wait in line for the 4 o’clock, we don’t care dude, Scream was way better anyway. Dukes, you stink. Who are we kidding,

(c). we do care. We care a lot. We care because we love Deputy Dewey. We care because were hoping for some nudity in this one. We care, but can’t show restraint. We stink for clinging on to “EVERY WORD” that’s dropped on us. We stink for updating our Twitter pages every 30 seconds in hopes of an explanation. We stink for being wrapped up in every second of this gut wrenching drama. The reason: We can’t help it; we love this team, were Broncos fans. We don’t actually stink. Cross us off the list.

3. Brandon Marshall, you stink right now dude. Big time. You have/had the chance to be our hero, our guy. You have/had the chance to lend us your shoulder when the Jay shit hit the fan. You have/had the chance to take this team on those same shoulders, to carry this team through hardship. You have/had the chance to notice the potential of “rebuilding” a team that only needs a few well-placed, well-secured screws. You have/had the chance to do it for the fans. You’re screwing us over man, and I don’t know you, but I want you to stay, and I want you to be the identity of this team, and I want you to play in many more Pro Bowls with a Broncos helmet on, and I want to get your jersey for Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa and feel good about it, but right now…Brandon, you stink.