Hey NFL, Meet Eddie Royal, Broncos

Hello, NFL, how are you? A little banged up, but doing well overall? Good, good to hear. I’d like to introduce you to someone. He’s kind of a big deal. He’s a rookie wide receiver who wears #19 for the Denver Broncos.

This guy gained nearly 200 all-purpose yards while making veteran Pro Bowlers fall out of their shoes last night. In fact, this kid – this rookie – leads all NFL wideouts in receiving yards (146) through the first week of the season.

His name?. Don’t worry about his name. The name is incidental. How are you going to stop this kid?

You want his name for your fantasy football team? OK, fine. Since you ask… his name is Eddie. Freaking. ROYAL.

Are you ready for this, NFL? DeAngelo Hall sure wasn’t. The Oakland Raiders sure weren’t. Mike Ditka sure wasn’t.

Alert the presses and the San Diego Chargers. Eddie Royal is on the hunt.

Oh, you think you’re going to roll coverage to his side? Gonna bring the safety over the top and double team him?

BAM! There goes #15, Brandon Marshall, fresh off suspension, breaking a tackle for a 17-yard gain. Consider yourselves lucky he didn’t take it to the house.

What’s that? Your corners will do just enough to slow them down, and your defensive backfield will do enough to confuse our quarterback Jay Cutler?

WHOOSH! Tight end Tony Scheffler just made a juggling catch (is there another kind?) and broke a long run up the middle.

Thinking about using a nickel package as your base package just to account for all the weapons at receiver? (I mean, I haven’t even mentioned Brandon Stokley or Darrell Jackson yet).

CRASH. Are you kidding me? Did you really just give the Broncos running attack – the LEGENDARY Denver Broncos running attack – a six-man front to work against? That’s the sound of Peyton Hillis plowing through your human turnstile. Please note: that also might have been the sound of your linebacker missing a tackle and Selvin Young breaking a 25-yard run.

What’s that? Can you speak up, I can’t hear through all the stuttering… Oh, okay. You’ll blitz like hell, looking for a chink in the armor for these Broncos linemen?

THUD. The sound your blitzing linebacker just made as right tackle Ryan Harris knocked his ass to the floor.

And while you’re trying to figure all that out, Eddie Royal just caught another pass – this one in the end zone with not a defender in sight. I told you not to worry about his name.

You. Can. Not. Stop. This. Broncos. Offense. So. Don’t. Even. Try.

Photo credit: REUTERS/Robert Galbraith