McDonald’s, Television Find New Ways to Keep Players off the Field

If you haven’t heard the news yet, let’s go ahead and break it before we get into the ridiculousness of the situation. Potential Pro Bowl wide receiver Brandon Marshall required an unspecified number of stitches and an arm cast after an accident in a Florida resort. The details of the accident were just recently revealed by Adam Schefter of the NFL Network – according to Marshall, he slipped on a McDonald’s food wrapper, tried to use a television set to brace his fall, and ended up plowing through the screen with his arm.

“I want to thank everybody for their concerns and let everyone know that I’m okay,” Marshall wrote in a text message Sunday morning. “It’s funny because I pride myself on YAC (yards after catch) and being one of the toughest players to take down once I have the ball in my hands.

“So for the next couple of days I’m going to take the time to build my confidence back up after allowing that McDonalds bag to take me down and send me through the entertainment center.”

McDonald’s and television have been an unsafe combination for the athletically gifted for years. It’s a known fact that nothing will get your ass on the bench as quickly as your ass on the couch eating Mickey D’s.

I just never expected TV and MD to gang up on an innocent bystander like this. Does Marshall strike you as the kind of guy that eats McDonald’s all day? Or ever? A Quarter Pounder with cheese has more fat on it than Marshall does.

I think if we’ve learned anything from this, it’s that staying away from McDonald’s burgers isn’t enough. Those wrappers are a spiteful bunch too. You’ve been warned.