Mad about Mascots

COMPLAINT & SARCASM WARNING:

The following post contains negative comments regarding the Denver Broncos. The author has the deepest respect, admiration for (and even dysfunctional obsession with) said Broncos, so these comments should be read with the understanding that (while rare) everyone must find something to complain about.

The years we won back-to-back Super Bowls were great times. We had the world’s greatest coach, the best darn QB in the land and a running back whose initials could also stand for Touch Down. I thought we had it all back then. I was wrong. Apparently, we were missing a silly clown in a horse-headed costume.

Now, I understand that nearly all professional sports teams have these ridiculous effigies running up and down their field (or court) acting like complete buffoons and (theoretically) entertaining the children. It’s just that I have an unnatural hatred of Styrofoam caricatures goofing around while I’m trying to watch my football game. I simply can not abide them.

I mean, when we miss a field goal at INVESCO field at Mile High, the last thing I want to see at the bottom of my screen is some ex-high school cheerleader dressed up in a furry-fetish costume pretending to bang his enlarged horse-head into the goal post in a lame attempt at cartoon humor.

But, by far, my biggest grievance with Denver’s orange & blue reverse-centaur is that WE ALREADY HAD A MASCOT!

The charge of Thunder across the stadium after our home team scored was truly something special. Both the beautiful white horse as well as the giant Broncos flag his rider bore were breathtaking. This tradition was unique and classy. It was a statement about our team (like the Mile High Salute). Tasteful and elegant. Real and regal.

Now, we have Miles… Oh, yes, the puns never end now. Miles the human-horse-hybrid says things like “Say Neigh to Drug” and lists his favorite toy as My Little Pony. WTF!?!

Why do we need this?

Is this a ploy to increase sales of mascot-related merchandise? Because I can’t see any respectable parent buying the hardback book “Mile’s Grand Adventure: a chronicle of Mile’s A-to-Z journey around the state of Colorado,” or a serious golfer shelling out $33 for headcovers in the shape of Mile’s head?

I know it’s useless to rail against this, but if I had just one wish it would be that Miles would be lost in a team outing and never return…. Actually, if I had just one wish I would wish for us to win the Super Bowl, and if I had two wishes I would add the part about Miles.

— END OF COMPLAINT —

Well… end of my complaint, but not the end of the story….

Although I didn’t think ANYONE actually read my blog, apparently, our mascot Miles does (or did). He wrote a post recently in his blog explaining how much charity work is done by the NFL mascots as well as other promotional appearances for young fans.

Now, I added a comment on his blog and I feel I need to post it here as well so no one misunderstands where I stand on this issue.

“I very much appreciate your response to my rant about mascots. And as a deeply obsessed Denver Broncos fan, I think I need to appology to you for one important reason.

I truly believe you (the person) love the Broncos and are just as big a fan of this team as myself. Please believe me when I say that I did not intend to offend you with my failed attempt at a humorous rant. And, while I still don’t like the idea of mascots, I most certainly don’t want to insult or damage another Denver Broncos fan.”

— Jonathan Douglas (Denver Obsession) 6/21/07

My post was supposed to be a funny way of asking why we needed an upgrade at mascot when Thunder was doing a great job. It was not intended to hurt another Broncos fan (even if that fan wears a costume). I don’t agree with the need for a mascot (outside of Thunder), but I most certainly didn’t intend to harm the Broncos organization or their awesome community outreach programs. I believe we have the best team, coaches, staff and owner in the league.

Maybe, if I get out to Denver this season, I’ll try to look up Miles and have a drink… Broncos fans should stick together.