Posted Sun Dec 19th by E. Halsey Miles
Well, to start with, he took a page from Moses’ playbook and parted the Black Sea. On his 40 yard touchdown run that turned out to be a broken play, he ran through a sea of black jerseys, protected by his magical powers. Like Moses’ parting of the Red Sea, though, that trick only worked once.
He also exhibited his mind control powers and, from the sidelines, caused Darren McFadden to actually hand the ball off to a Broncos player rather than whoever the playcall told him to. Thus it was that an early turnover that really helped provide some momentum for the Broncos.
He kneeled and prayed next to an injured Raiders’ player. This may not seem like a super power, but actually caring for the health and well-being of an Oakland Raider? You’ve seen these two teams duke it out. Lesser men would’ve been howling in a blood-rage at the scent of a fresh kill.
He did throw the ball a few times, though not very many, and he did manage to throw pretty well. He also proved that Brandon Lloyd‘s resurgence isn’t just about luck or timing or Kyle Orton. Lloyd made some sensational catches out there, and was clearly Tebow’s favorite and best target. Eddie Royal, however, didn’t seem to actually be in the game. All in all, though, he made the offense look credible.
Despite his super powers allowing him to turn water into wine (albeit, not a nice french wine but more like Two Buck Chuck), it was unable to actually turn a steaming pile of crap into gold: Denver’s defense still stank like a port-a-potty at a construction site and gave up several embarrassing plays to allow the Raiders to score long touchdowns. Jacoby Ford got a 71 yard touchdown on an end-around, and Marcel Reese caught a seventy three yard pass and apparently had covered his uniform with teflon, since any Bronco that touched him slid off his jersey like accusations of sexual misconduct against your favored politician.
Also, his super powers did not extend to other players on the offense. For example, instead of flying through the defensive line leaving bodies on the ground like bowling pins, Correll Buckhalter was tackled in the backfield for a safety. Knowshon Moreno was also forced to take his customary position on the “Injured players please sit here” bench, and Tebow was unable to lay-on-hands and allow him to return to the game.
Most of all, though, the conservative game plan didn’t really give us a chance to see what Tebow Time has in store for the future. It told us that yes, Tebow can actually throw the ball. And yes, Tebow can run the ball. But can he make good decisions? Can he carry this team on his shoulders, one grueling step at a time toward the endzone, inch by bloody inch, like John Elway carried the Broncos for 12 of his 16 seasons. Or more closely paralleled, like Atlas still carries the world on his shoulders today?
Time will tell. I asked a magic 8-ball today and it said: Reply hazy, try again later. I was sure Tim Tebow’s control of probability would manipulate that into “without a doubt,” but I was wrong. Unless maybe Tim Tebow wants me not to believe. That’s the problem with mind control. Once you know somebody can do it, you can never trust your own thoughts any more!
To be honest, I’ve never been a Tim Tebow fan. And while I do jest about the magic powers of Tim Tebow, to hear fandom you’d think that I’m actually underrating him. That said, I do join the legions of Broncos’ fandom that want to see what Tim Tebow has to offer. As far as I’m concerned, the next two games should be his audition. Do the Broncos pin their future on him, or do they go for Andrew Luck in the draft? Right now the Broncos are staring the #2 pick in the eye and Carolina doesn’t have that #1 pick completely locked yet. If it really is Tebow Time now is the best time to find out if we’ll be pinning our hopes on Tebow, or if we’ll be pinning tails on the Donkeys.