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Published on 08/19/2009 at Wed Aug 19 18:33.
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Stink List: Pre-Season Week 1
Note: Stink List will be a weekly post going up every Sunday night/ Monday depending on Broncos game time/how excited/depressed I am over the outcome. It’s a list, or grouping, or cluster of people, things, stuff, situations, that I deem stinky in the previous/particular week. The oral stink list had become a favorite of my close buddies over the past two seasons, so I, being the generous misanthrope that I am, have decided to share the stench with ya’ll.

1. Kyle Orton, the first drive down the field felt oh so good, the connections were smooth and felt completely organic, and this I told myself, was a great first impression of the new offense, THEN. Hold your breath, because in some ways the first INT felt right, felt natural, felt organic too. I wasn’t happy, I was half way buzzed and upset, but it wasn’t a surprise. The way I see it, we were either scoring 6 or getting picked, there was no in-between. We would now get to see the adjustments Orton made, see how he handled his crud; we would now get our first glimpse at our new QB trying to shake off the bad. 2nd pick, 3rd pick felt wrong. All wrong. That old feeling started seeping into my body, and you all know what feeling I’m talking about. It needs no explanation. Now, it was one game. I’m not done with Orton. Infact, this is very exciting, we now get to see how McDaniels + Orton work the week to fix the stink for the Seahawks game. Who thinks zero picks from #8 this week? Any takers?

2.(a) The Person(s) or Person(nel) or P(at Bowlen) in charge of sparking this weeks M(arshall)TV reality drama. Whoever is responsible. Why? Just why? I know Brandon has been a problem, but he is still a member of this team, and we still have supposedly have no interest in trading him. Let’s restrain ourselves from telling all of his buddies to restrain themselves from showing any bit of happiness about his acquittal. Are we not allowed to be joyful that he could be, as he has said, innocent all along? Mystery entity, you stink. While we’re on restraint,

(b) Jamie Dukes could use a little. Well known round these parts for his vendetta against the team, Dukes first tweetported this story using the tease “BOMBSHELL”. It turns out the story does hold weight, as it has fanned the flames of a problem that most thought was slowly dying out. What’s bothers me is you can almost see Dukes’ grin as he learns of the news, slowly forms the idea of twitter teasing, and eases back into his bean bag as Broncos Nation writhes in discomfort. I like receiving information, but not when it’s given with ill intent. He’s like the kid walking out of the 2pm showing of Scream2 and shouting out the killers name while we wait in line for the 4 o’clock, we don’t care dude, Scream was way better anyway. Dukes, you stink. Who are we kidding,

(c). we do care. We care a lot. We care because we love Deputy Dewey. We care because were hoping for some nudity in this one. We care, but can’t show restraint. We stink for clinging on to “EVERY WORD” that’s dropped on us. We stink for updating our Twitter pages every 30 seconds in hopes of an explanation. We stink for being wrapped up in every second of this gut wrenching drama. The reason: We can’t help it; we love this team, were Broncos fans. We don’t actually stink. Cross us off the list.

3. Brandon Marshall, you stink right now dude. Big time. You have/had the chance to be our hero, our guy. You have/had the chance to lend us your shoulder when the Jay shit hit the fan. You have/had the chance to take this team on those same shoulders, to carry this team through hardship. You have/had the chance to notice the potential of “rebuilding” a team that only needs a few well-placed, well-secured screws. You have/had the chance to do it for the fans. You’re screwing us over man, and I don’t know you, but I want you to stay, and I want you to be the identity of this team, and I want you to play in many more Pro Bowls with a Broncos helmet on, and I want to get your jersey for Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa and feel good about it, but right now…Brandon, you stink.

  • Kyle

    Totally agree on the “we.” I can smell myself from all the way over here.

  • C-Dizzle

    I remember a QB named Jake Plummer who threw 3 interceptions in his first game (real NOT fake) with the Broncos. From what I remember he had a pretty good career with the team and ended up being the last Broncos QB to earn a playoff victory. (It’s not his fault the defense was horrendous against the Steelers in the AFC title game.) Everyone needs to calm down about Orton. One game does not a good or bad player make. If it did, then even Elway would have been back out on the street after his first line up under the guard his rookie year.

  • jvill

    Agree with the comments on Brandon, except you left out a big part…

    I don’t know Brandon either, but I’d imagine his response would be something along the lines of:

    “You want me to be the face of this team? Take the team on my shoulders? Sounds good. How much money do you think that kind of leadership is worth?”

  • Waylon

    I like the stink list. Well said j kenneth!

  • Kawike

    Nice article J. Somehow you even make bad news amusing.

  • MIAbronco

    does anybody here think that eddie royal looks like charles rogers, I think they look like they could be twin. eddie looks less busty though

  • olen

    On the news they suggested that Marshall should replace his football mouthpiece with a pacifier .

  • Tom9798

    Brandon Marshall misses Jay Cutler . . . period.

    All wide-receivers have only one request of their quarterback . . . . throw me the ball ten times per game . . . . that’s 160 opportunities to catch the ball . . . . move the sticks . . . . maybe six to ten touchdowns . . . maybe more . . . .

    You see T. Owens saying this to every QB he has played for . . . . he is constantly talking to them every chance he get’s . . . . they all want what Jerry Rice had with Joe Montana .

    What BM realizes is that is probably not going to happen this year . . . he has no man-crush for Orton . . . doesn’t know the playbook . . . . spends more time than he should listening to his “me-first” agent . . . and the real kick is that he is under contract . . . .

    That’s right . . . you sign your name and fulfill your obligation . . . . remember?

    Most of us hope we’ll get any raise at all come our yearly review . . . . Brandon has to play 16 football games for two million dollars . . . ($2,000,000) . . . . not nearly enough for such a roll-model . . . .

    Tally up your paycheck for sixteen weeks . . . then tell your boss that you want a trade . . .
    Make sure there is nobody around when you do . . . the hysterical laughter would be a distraction . . . .

  • Bronco_Lover_Forever

    BM is under contract for how long?

  • scottey

    Me thinks a big stink needs to go to the AGENT. What a tool!

  • Jack Burton

    I’m not worried about Orton. I’ve watched the San Fran game several times and he does seem to be getting a good grasp of the offense. His first two drives he made mostly good throws and decent reads, but he hurried a lot of throws when he wasn’t in danger. His two picks and a couple of near picks were good examples. I think once he gets more comfortable with the system and his teammates he’ll even out. Will it be good enough? Time will tell. But it is far too early to panic or even to worry, in my opinion.

  • Estes2SD

    Off subject….

    Anyone in the Omega Fantasy Leauge get an email yet?

  • jchase8410

    I haven’t Estes